If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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