Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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