am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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