I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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