U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
