if you like me you must not know who I am
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
