Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
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