You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Randomize
