I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
