When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
