Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You smell like stripper and shame
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
