ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
