yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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