i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
