Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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