He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
