She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
