While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize