i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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