He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
