Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
