I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Randomize
