where am i from again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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