she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Can I color on your dick again?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
