apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
God I need to hump something, right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
