u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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