Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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