I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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