i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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