just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
