I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize