I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
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