I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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