I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
