Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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