So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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