we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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