you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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