If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
