You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
