you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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