My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
