I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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