So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
