I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
