She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
