I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize