We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
