good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Randomize
