If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
