I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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