Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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