You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
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