Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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