"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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