How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So vagazzling was a success
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
