Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Randomize
