the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
