I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
