oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
