one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
