guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
