I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
