Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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