Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
