Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
