Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
