You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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