I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
