it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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