fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
