i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
