just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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