On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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