I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
