She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
